WELCOME!
I am Chris Dill, founder of a little entertainment company called Mediapickle Empire, and this is the first ever issue of Mediapickle Mag.
Mediapickle Mag promises to bring you the absolute best in satirical entertainment news, animated hi-jinx, and unique and fresh content you won’t find anywhere else - all absolutely FREE with no annoying pop ups or repetitive buzzing noise based ads!
I know you are in a hurry to get to the funny stuff but I’ll start off by telling you a little bit about Mediapickle and how it all began.
In June of 2000, after working for a few months with Twistedhumor.com, Chris and his wife Shonda sat down together and contemplated a unique company name that would stand out and best represent his own home grown cartoons. The name had to be easy to remember, yet unique. After hours of pain-staking, mind-numbing thought, and coming up with several ideas that just didn’t ‘cut the pickle’ per se, Chris’s wife had the answer. “Let’s call it Mediapickle”.
The result was a unique company name indeed, a name that would be easily remembered, but also funny.
Broken down, the word “Mediapickle” is two words that represent Chris and the direction he wanted to take the new born company. “Media”, because he wanted the company to be involved in video, animation, graphics, games, etc, media in general, ... and “pickle” simply because his last name was Dill. Oh yes, he loved Dill pickles for their taste, but from the moment “Mediapickle” was born, the word and the impact it made in combination with its preceeding long lost cousin, “Media”, had much deeper meaning.
From that moment on, Mediapickle has endured the years and endeared the hearts of many. Long live Mediapickle!
If, for any reason, you feel the need to contact me. Here is my contact information:
Chris Dill
Mediapickle Empire
AIM: Mediapickle
MSN: Mediapickle@hotmail.com
YAHOO: Mediapickle2@Yahoo.com
ICQ: 450048450
SKYPE: Mediapickle
EMAIL: Chris@Mediapickle.com
PHONE: 1-253-243-2118
I love spending my free time riding on my Honda 250ex ATV. Above is a picture my wife took of me while in mid-air making a jump. Now here is a picture of our nephew riding his, then, brand spankin’ new Honda 150R dirtbike. These things have hella suspension and he got the smaller wheels to get even more suspension travel. Here, the suspension kicked back up on him and tossed the nose forward.
Here is the wifee poo “getting her feet wet” per se, in a small body of water we would go riding through.
Yes, we have matching quads! We couldn’t ride at the same tme with just one ;P The only difference is mine is black and hers is red.
We have some good crash and goof footage you will be seeing in the near future.
THE CRAZY SHTICK
Hey guys, it's time for another Crazy Shtick! Well, actually, since this is the first issue of
Mediapickle Mag, I should be introducing you to one of our new columns for this new fun-
loving online magazine, a column that we like to cheerfully refer to as "the Crazy Shtick".
Here I'll be discussing news and non-news that you decide is true or false. We'll have little
tidbits of fact and fiction in the column and we'll have you wondering "Is that for real or is
he pulling our leg?". I'll post a voting poll and you guys can decide for yourself. Look for the
results of the poll in the next issue as well and we will reveal whether the story was true or
false. Let's get to this week's story, shall we?
BODIES DISCOVERED AT MICHAEL’S NEVERLAND RANCH
Investigators shocked the world last Thursday when they announced the discovery of three
tiny bodies buried under the farris wheel at Michael Jackson's "Neverland Ranch".
The bodies were discovered when one of Mike's friends allowed his 6 year old boy ride the
ferris wheel for fun before taking it down and selling it on ebay to help pay for Mike's lawyers.
From above, the boy noticed a fresh mound of dirt right next to the ferris wheel control box.
Officials say that fans of Michael Jackson should not jump to conclusions. "We saw 3 tiny
bodies in the hole and the heads were considerably bigger which lead us to believe that the
remains were children or infants, but further study revealed the bodies were actually 3 alien
beings from outerspace."
The photos below could explain a LOT of mystery surrounding Michael Jackson.
The photos below show Michael’s mutation transformation from a young boy to a full grown alien being. Is Michael
from another planet? ...or is he just obsessed with life on other planets? And all this time we thought he was trying to
lighten his skin for some other freaky reason.
Above: Michael Jackson’s “Neverland Ranch” courtesy Google Earth’s satellite pictures from outerspace.
Technology rules! Looks like a small city there. If I only had a house as big as his merry-go-round, I’d be set!
MICHAEL JACKSON JOKES
Q. Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby over a balcony?
A. Because he overheard his wife asking someone to drop the children off a few
stories.
Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A. From a catalogue.
Q. How do you know Michael Jackson is having a party?
A. There are a bunch of tricycles in front of his house.
Q. What's the difference between Mr. Potato Head and Michael Jackson?
A. Michael Jackson has had more noses.
Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A. One is plastic and harmful to children, the other is used to carry groceries.
Q: How do you neuter Michael Jackson?
A: Give him spiked gloves and tell him to sing a song!
Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor?
A. One got burnt doing Pepsi, the other got burnt doing coke.
Humorous Medical Abbreviations
ABITHAD - Another Blithering Idiot - Thinks He's A Doctor.
ADR - Ain't Doin' Right.
ART - Assuming Room Temperature (recently deceased).
ATSWWT - Always Thinks Something's Wrong With Them.
DAAD - Dead As A Doornail.
FDGB - Fall Down Go Boom.
FFFF - Female, Fat, Forty and Flatulent.
FOS - Full Of ... Stool.
FTD - Fixing To Die.
FTF - Failure To Fly.
FTW - Friggin Train Wreck (patient with multiple
problems).
GFPO - Good For Parts Only.
GGTG - Gomers Go To Ground (they fall out of
bed or gurneys).
MFC - Measure For Coffin.
O2T - Oxygen Thief.
PBBB - Pine Box By Bedside.
PITA - Pain In The A**.
SALT - Same As Last Time.
TEETH - Tried Everything Else; Try Homeopathy.
TMB - Too Many Birthdays.
TOBAS - Take Out Back And Shoot.
FLD - Funny Looking Dad.
FLK - Funny Looking Kid.
WDWNF - Well Developed Well Nourished Female.
Student Not Leading By Example After Arrest
DUI Charge Comes After Pa. College Student Complained About Media Coverage
POSTED: 10:53 am CDT September 16, 2007
BLOOMSBURG, Pa. -- Just weeks after saying the media had unfairly portrayed students as irresponsible, Bloomsburg University’s student government president has been charged with drunken driving.
Christopher Bevan, 21, was pulled over last weekend after a campus police officer said he saw the student driving more than 50 mph in a 15-mph zone.
Authorities said a breath test showed Bevan’s blood-alcohol level was .147 percent. Pennsylvania’s legal limit for drivers is .08 percent. Bevan was charged with driving under the influence, driving at an unsafe speed and careless driving.
Bevan recently wrote a letter to the Press Enterprise of Bloomsburg about media coverage of the central Pennsylvania college’s annual Block Party, which have described as rowdy and alcohol-fueled.
The stories have “painted BU students with a broad and negative brush and are both inaccurate and extremely unfair to the thousands of responsible, mature Bloomsburg students who are an asset to the school and this community,” Bevan wrote.
Bevan has declined to say if he would step down from his position.
Man Dies After 3 Day Gaming Binge
BEIJING, China (AP) -- A man in southern China appears to have died of exhaustion after a three-day Internet gaming binge, state media said Monday.
The 30-year-old man fainted at a cyber cafe in the city of Guangzhou Saturday afternoon after he had been playing games online for three days, the Beijing News reported.
Paramedics tried to revive him but failed and he was declared dead at the cafe, it said. The paper said that he may have died from exhaustion brought on by too many hours on the Internet.
The report did not say what the man, whose name was not given, was playing.
The report said that about 100 other Web surfers “left the cafe in fear after witnessing the man’s death.”
China has 140 million Internet users, second only to the U.S.. It is one of the world’s biggest markets for online games, with tens of millions of players, many of whom hunker down for hours in front of PCs in public Internet cafes.
Several cities have clinics to treat what psychiatrists have dubbed “Internet addiction” in users, many of them children and teenagers, who play online games or surf the Web for days at a time.
The History of Condoms
Information provided by the Discount Condom King
1000 BC
Condoms use can be traced back several thousand years. Images from about 1000 BC portray the acient Egyptians wearing a linen sheath. It’s up for discussion as to whether they wore it for protection or for ritual reasons.
100 – 200 AD
The earliest evidence of condom use in Europe comes from scenes in cave paintings at Combarelles in France.
1500s
In Italy, research by Gabrielle Fallopius found the linen sheath useful for prevention of infection, and later its usefulness for the prevention of pregnancy was recognized.
1700s
How did condoms get their name? Some believe it was named for “Dr. Condoms,” who supplied King Charles II of England with animal tissue sheaths. Others believe the name came from a “Dr. Condon” or “ Colonel Cundum.” It likely came from the Latin word “condom,” which means “receptacle.”
1844
Goodyear and Hancock began to mass-produce condoms made out of vulcanized rubber, which is a stronger and more elastic material.
1861
The first advertisement for condoms was published in an American newspaper when The New York Times printed an ad for “Dr. Power’s French Preventatives.”
1873
The Comstock Law was passed. It prohibited the advertising of any sort of birth control, and it also allowed the postal service to confiscate condoms sold through the mail.
HOW TO USE:
(You’d be surprised!)
Using a condom is one of the most responsible acts a human being can perform. Stated quite frankly, using condoms can save your life or the life of a buddy. Unfortunately many instances of pregnancy, disease, and other mishaps still occur because people do not follow the instructions on the package of condoms. The King feels strongly about his condoms and wants all his subjects to follow these simple yet life saving instructions every time you use one of the King’s condoms.
Check the expiration date, never use expired condoms.
Open package at one corner, never use your teeth.
Squeeze the tip of the condom. This is to eliminate air bubbles. (Adding a couple drops of a water based lubricant on the inside tip can increase sensate and decrease chance of breakage).
Unroll the condom fully to the base of the Penis.
After intercourse, unroll the condom while the penis is still erect. Discard used condom in the trash, not the toilet. Dispose of the condom yourself, trusting someone else with your D.N.A can result in 18 years of child support payments.
Never reuse a condom, always use a new condom.
Remember keep condoms away from heat, like a glove box and do not store in your wallet.
If you need more information about our condoms, safe handling practices, or usage instructions we urge you to visit each manufacturers website for specific information related to condoms.
1880s
The first latex condom was produced, although it was to be the 1930s before these were in widespread use.
Early 1900s
Social hygienists fought to prohibit the use of condoms by Americans, resulting in U.S troops in World War I having the highest rate of STDs – over 70% By World War II, a more realistic attitude had emerged and the government aggressively promoted the use of condoms.
1960s
The sexual revolution of the ‘60s resulted in a decline in condom use as more and more youth practiced free love – without condom usage.
1980s
HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, was identified, and the Surgeon General stated that other than abstinence, the most effective way to protect against HIV is to use a latex condom each and every time you have sex.
1990s – 2006s
The 1990s saw the introduction of large number of different types of condoms, including colors, ribbed, studded, flavors, baggy – shaped and large, as well as the first polyurethane condom.
IT’S JOKE TIME!
Boobs and Butt
A woman in her fifties is at home, unclothed, happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asks, “Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What’s the matter with you?”
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, “I don’t c ou think. I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old.”
The husband replies, “What did he say about your 55-year old ass?”
“Your name never came up,” she replied.
Lover’s Lane
A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known Lovers spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop Carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine.
He Immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by This surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver’s’ window. The young man lowers his window . “Uh, yes, officer?” The cop says: “What are you doing?” The young man says: “Well, Officer, I’m reading a magazine.”
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says:”And her, What is she doing?” The young man shrugs: “Sir, I believe she’s knitting a pullover sweater.” Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple. Alone, in a car, at night in a Lover’s lane....and nothing obscene is happening!
The cop asks: “What’s your age, young man?” The young man says :”I’m 22, sir.” The cop asks: “And her ... what’s her age?” The young man looks at his watch and replies: “She’ll be 18 in 11 minutes.
HindLick
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. After ordering their cornbread and beans, they talk about the latest addition to their junkyard business. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, “Kin ya swallar?” The woman shakes her head no. “Kin ya breathe?” The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, Yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.
His partner says, “Ya know, I’d heerd of dat dere ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’, But I ain’t never seed nobody do it.”
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE
HOME REMEDIES
submitted by B
1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.
8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Use these methods and you may just live long enough to look like this:
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place.
The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone’s amazement, somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy “Did you see what your monkey just did?”
The guy says “No, what?” “He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!”
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,”replied the guy. “He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff.” He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then
leaves.
PAYING THE RENT
Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.
“Did you see what your monkey did now?” he asks.
“No, what?” replies the guy. “Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it!” said the bartender.
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the guy. “ He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first...”
A married businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the night with her for $500.
He spends the night with her but before he leaves, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment “RENT FOR APARTMENT.”
On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price.
So he has his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following typed note:
Dear Madam :
Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your
Apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I
Rented the apartment, I was under the impression that;
1) it had never been occupied;
2) that there was plenty of heat;
3) that it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.
However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn’t any heat, and that it was entirely too large.
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note:
Dear Sir,
First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment
To remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if
You don’t have enough furniture to fill it, please don’t blame the
Landlady.
Send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present
Landlady.
[Balls of fury movie poster]
[Rob Zombie's Halloween - movie poster]
